Friday, July 2, 2010

We're Friends. Hold the Benefits

Friends. Just friends. Why is it that friendship is the consolation prize when it comes to relationships? It’s the bronze medal of dating and it feels like the closest thing to complete rejection, despite the fact that everyone knows the best relationships are between individuals who are fundamentally friends.

A while back a boy and I stopped dating. Though I knew we were romantically incompatible, I felt I couldn’t completely discard the man who was once my closest companion in the whole wide world. Well, he was not a fan of my pleas for friendship, and said he wanted all or nothing. Nothing meaning he wanted to never hear from me again. So we parted ways.

It doesn’t always work out with the people we are dating. You like a boy for his charm, but later find that he makes a better business partner, background vocalist, chem tutor and such. Just as people change, relationships with people are subject to evolution and redefinition. So my question is, can a relationship change? Can we be friends for the better?

The answer is no. Well, yes but only if you’re smart. I was once in a converse situation where a guy handed me a bronze medal of my own. He wanted to be friends without the benefits, whereas before we were benefiting without actually being friends. Initially I was disappointed, because I liked the benefits. I felt that he was friends with my vagina first so it was unfair to just take him away from her like that. But what can you do. Further, I was a bit skeptical of his motive. Was he writing me off. Kindly throwing me in the recycle bin as opposed to the garbage.

I obsessed over the idea for a while, threw my phone at the wall and such, but then my underused left brain eventually kicked in. Friends. Friends! Unless I’m being secretly second-tiered to some main squeeze, friendship is a considerable honor (right?). Taking it back to friendship gives two people the opportunity to authentically learn their compatibility with one another. It could evolve to like, love, or lifelong and continuous friendship. One never knows.

I know. I know. Friendship can be so dissatisfying, because five years of quality time its relatively arduous in comparison to hours of making out and weeks of hot intense other stuff. However, we’ve gotta employ our left brains and get perspective on that thing there called friends (without benefits).

All I'm saying is that if "friendship" was really a diss I'm gonna be so pissed.


  1. A question I have is: Can men and women truly only be friends? Will one always want more out of the relationship? In my experience, the answer is no we cannot just be friends. Someone is always going to want more. But that's not necessarily a bad thing. I think in relationships, it's always good to start off as friends, to get to know one another. That way you can see if the two of you are truly compatible.

    As far as the "friend with benefits" turning into the "friend without benefits"...I don't know. That's a strange one. Perhaps he's caught feelings and wants to remove the benefit aspect. Hopefully that's what it is. What guy would turn down consistent vagina? *Kanye shrug*

  2. Chanel,

    What you propose is what I suspect and hope. I don't want to go into details because I think he reads my blog, but I will say that I've had your exact thoughts on the subject.


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