Friday, July 16, 2010

Don't You Say No


Rejection. The last time I got rejected by a boy was in the 3rd grade. I’d chased boys all through elementary school, but by 3rd grade I was exhausted. 4th grade was the first time a boy ever considered me cute. He was way strange, but it was a novel experience, being adored by someone other than Ma and Daddy. One would think that my fourth grade crush would have laid the foundation for sweeping ovations from boys at every moment, but I cowered out and began a single-sex education in 6th grade. I’ve been in all girls schools since.

I was, without pain or ceremony, rejected from more than five colleges. I skimmed the letters for the word “sorry” and promptly tossed them to the garbage, but the idea of having a love unrequited is far more than my little heart can bear. On my own accord, I’m certain that I’m a catch, but if a boy were ever to say no to me, the floodgates of insecurity would outpour. First I’d blame my hideous feet, wonder if perhaps I’d come on too strong, and then assume that I’d played everything all wrong.

I was recently reeling over a rejection: moping at work, listening to one sad song on repeat, and not eating… or rather, eating less. I was nothing short of devastated, till I met my sad little eyes in the mirror. No good, no good. I was whimpering over a boy and ruining my day and my face.

He probably wasn’t right for you anyway, I told myself. I’m a believer in fate, destiny, and appointed time. And not all things go down how we’d like, because either timing or the situation aren’t particularly right. In this instance I resigned myself to the belief that maybe this boy just wasn’t it. Often in crushes we ignore a person’s flaws and trust you me, I was modulating this dude into some kind of angel. With simple re-examination I realized that this guy and I could never work: he’s a good liar, and I’m super gullible.

The problem is that sometimes it’s something other than love or lust that compels us in dating. Sometimes we get competitive, and feel validated or satisfied in achieving the attention of someone we desire. If he doesn’t return our attention we question our beauty, our personalities; we blame our outfit and lament over not chewing a piece of gum before he arrived. However, sometimes we have to look at a failed crush for its positives. Perhaps we were saved from being burned. Perhaps we missed being drafted into a war. Or maybe you’re a dirty bitch who looks like a frog and should avoid flirting with boys till you learn how to shower and walk in those heels you’re rocking. I’m just sayin’…

2 comments:

  1. Ugh! Story of my life! If anyone feels you, I feel you. I've been dealing with my fear of rejection for quite some time. (I was actually gonna blog about this topic but you beat me to it). All because one jerk rejected me, I am now scared that all men will reject me. I just try to remind myself that all men aren't the same. *Kanye shrug*

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  2. Men fear rejection too, some are just better at hiding it then others.

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