Wednesday, February 17, 2010

The Brown Street Walk of Shame


You will only see them in the early morning hours floating among maintenance work and eight a.m’ers. They are ghostly hooded figures flashing down Brown Street making their return to education as usual back to their campus. These ghosts are our peers, and in an attempt to do the Walk of Shame discreetly, they only make themselves exponentially and comically conspicuous to the casual collection of sauntering boys. Conversely, these ghosts walk quickly at nearly Olympic speeds, with hoods tied tightly around their heads to conceal mussed up weaves and much of their guilt strewn faces.

They are a literal eyesore, but this article is actually an announcement to let these early morning walkers know that there is a better way to handle the Brown Street Walk of Shame.

1. Wipe that guilty look off your face – We know you weren’t doing anything as horrid as your expression may portray. In fact, you were probably tutoring your Morehouse brother before you accidentally fell asleep fully clothed at the foot of his bed. And as exceptionally intelligent woman, one is often called upon to lead some very crucial study sessions that happen to stretch far past reasonable hours. That is nothing of which to be ashamed. Think academic thoughts and your face will reflect the innocent disposition of a scholar and not that of a trollop, though one you very well may be.

2. Attire – Were you planning on giving an all night tutoring session? I suspect you were, that’s why you’re wearing your best most academic underwear. Keep the panties red, but I suggest you anticipate your early morning stroll and dress for the morning after. Wear slacks. Slacks are the attire of an academic, and when someone sees you peeling through the neighboring all male campus at the crack of dawn, they will without question assume that you had a meeting.

3. Timing – Morning classes usually start at 8 am on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays and 9:25 am on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Time your walk accordingly by making your way back to Spelman when the only people who are awake have already settled in their respective classes. Further, it takes 10-15 minutes to get from Fair St. to Lee St. at a Northerner’s pace and perhaps 40 minutes for a Southerner. No one will see you leaving a dorm if you avoid peak times.

Take heed ladies, and turn that walk of shame into a regular and random stroll through an all male college at 8:18 on a Tuesday morning. And if there are still questions about where you’re coming from, you answer back “Karen’s house.”

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